Number 203 of Things I Secretly Want but Are Afraid To Ask For

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Number 203 of Things I Secretly Want but Are Afraid To Ask For

Tactical Dog vest

When you gather up your guns and rocket launchers and decide that it’s time to assault the capitol again, does your dog give you the why-can’t-I go-too look? Does he look forward to watching TV at your feet whenever you turn Fox “News” on? Well, now your dog can charge right in there and maybe, if he’s lucky, he can bite Chuck Shumer’s ass. Someone needs to, and it won’t be me…But I digress. Whenever there’s a problem, your dog will be prepared. He’ll just reach up and un- zip the munitions pouch…oh…wait…he won’t be able to do that, will he? No thumbs…Oh well…”plan B”

Well, re plan “B”…This well designed tactical vest has 18 pockets (8 of then hidden; most of them with Beggin Strips, though some others have a small, travel sized “Greenies” in them), in case of emergencies, or even “Tuesday”. One or two might actually have munitions in them if you don’t allow your dog to do his own “pack”. Note the handle that in a pinch, allows you to pick your dog up as if he were luggage, but “no”, Delta still won’t allow them in your overhead compartments, and Hawaiian will, but it’ll cost you an extra $85 one way- the cost to completely hose out the compartment after your dog barfs in there, through the entire trip.

Nazi Embroidery is available at a slightly extra cost. “American Resistance”, “American Freedom Party”, “Aryan Brotherhood”, plus two dozen others are available. Choose the one that best suits your dog’s political stance; his physical stance is usually seated and panting. There’s even a locator built in, in case you and he get separated in the scrum to break into the capitol again. At the very end, your dog might even be famous. He might do a selfie doing a “dukie” in Nancy Pelosi’s office.

But, he’d do it because it’s a dog thing. And he is a dog.

   

About Zaslow Crane

Zaslow Crane wrote his first Science fiction story when he was 11 This was after an uncle had given him a Charmin case full of sci fi paperbacks- all the old masters: A.E.Van Vogt, Cordwainer Smith, Heinlen, Bradbury, and dozens more. After that, he never looked back. Zaslow Crane has contributed to numerous magazines and newspapers over many years, and has been a contributing editor for a national magazine. He has been published a couple hundred times for non fiction. Regarding fiction, he writes primarily SciFi and was one of the creative talents behind Smoke and Mirrors, a parsec nominated podcast that "re-imagined" the Twilight Zone and, which ran for 2 1/2 years. He has written over two hundred short stories, 7 or 8 novellas and two novels, one of which "explains" a great many advancements in human technology. He likes mindless sort of work, because it frees that other part of his brain to work on story ideas, so if you see him, say, digging a ditch, you'll know that he’s really writing. He lives in a tiny house on a hill in Central California. His home overlooks the ocean - IF you're willing to stand on tip toes and crane your neck. Just a bit.