Number 137 Of Stuff You Want, But Are Afraid To Ask For

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Number 137 Of Stuff You Want, But Are Afraid To Ask For

Now that 2020 is firmly in the “rear view”, do you want a small reminder of it…Of course you do! But it needs to be something very small and innocuous…? Well, here you have: the “TP Earrings”- a guaranteed conversation starter- except perhaps at the supermarket where you actually taunted someone when you grabbed up the last 18 pack of “Squeezably Soft Charmin”, or was that Mr. Wipple you squeezed? Squoze? I can never remember. Didn’t you say: “Too slow, there ain’t no mo”!” Yeeeeah. That that was a bit under a year ago, but that lady might hold a grudge. I wouldn’t wear these there. But you’ll have a lot of laughs if you wear them nearly anywhere else. Made of high quality Chinese materials guaranteed to last well into June or even July of 2021.

And here we have “mis matched” earrings…So cute. It’ll cause heads to turn and people will talk- all “good”, I hope. There is a slightly more expensive model that has a battery-operated worm that writhes in and out of the core. Well worth the extra money, if you ask me! For those of us who have thoroughly embraced the sweatpants and snack milleau, there are Frito Earrings…Tiny bags of Fritos. Not an actual “frito” – “little Fried one”. That would be silly. If you did that (and here I am saying that I’m absolutely certain that someone, somewhere has done this) eventually you’d have bluejays and robins landing on your shoulders and pecking at the thing. It’d get pretty noisy pretty fast, I’ll bet! Did you know that Iowa has more chickens than anywhere else? It is the Chicken State! They have more than even Colonel Saunders?! But Ohio is pecking at their heels and Indiana biting Ohio’s curiously shaped poultry-oriented feet.These Earrings will instantly flush out everyone else who “owns chickens”, having been ostracized from the-get-drunk-while-reading-a-bestseller club meetings. They will see a kindred spirit, even if you only wore the earrings ironically, they won’t care. They’ll still see you as someone else in “the fraternity”; “the chicken club”, which is a little scary when you stop to listen for a while…They believe something about a ginormous chicken who will one day come and …become the biggest roaster chicken ever roasted. Now that’s a “religion” I can get behind. There are lots more “novelty earrings” but I’ll leave it alone for now…except…

Hey! I’ll swap you one of my chicken earrings for one of your TP Earrings…?

   

About Zaslow Crane

Zaslow Crane wrote his first Science fiction story when he was 11 This was after an uncle had given him a Charmin case full of sci fi paperbacks- all the old masters: A.E.Van Vogt, Cordwainer Smith, Heinlen, Bradbury, and dozens more. After that, he never looked back. Zaslow Crane has contributed to numerous magazines and newspapers over many years, and has been a contributing editor for a national magazine. He has been published a couple hundred times for non fiction. Regarding fiction, he writes primarily SciFi and was one of the creative talents behind Smoke and Mirrors, a parsec nominated podcast that "re-imagined" the Twilight Zone and, which ran for 2 1/2 years. He has written over two hundred short stories, 7 or 8 novellas and two novels, one of which "explains" a great many advancements in human technology. He likes mindless sort of work, because it frees that other part of his brain to work on story ideas, so if you see him, say, digging a ditch, you'll know that he’s really writing. He lives in a tiny house on a hill in Central California. His home overlooks the ocean - IF you're willing to stand on tip toes and crane your neck. Just a bit.