Climbing Snails

Climbing snails

Lately I’ve noticed snails in unusual places…For instance at the top of five foot tall bush. My first question is “Why?”, although it might also very well be “How?”.

I can imagine them moving from leaf to leaf and clinging precariously to a branch when negotiating a sparse area- leaf-wise. And true, if they were to fall, they do carry a suit of armor -of a sort- on their back, so it seems possible that they are just the garden variety daredevils.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that something like backyard sprites or gnomes put them there just to bemuse me. I’ve seen them “climb”- for lack of a better word- eight feet up a downspout…Again… “Why?”

I’ve read that when snails are unhealthy they will climb to spread the scent so that other snails will know to stay away, but I’ve seen perfectly healthy snails seemingly “enjoying” themselves “high” up on bushes.

When you consider all this it’s not surprising that they get into my basil and decimate the leaves. And I need my basil for cooking. If they want basil, they can plant and tend their own!

And, when you consider animals and people with legs, a snail’s mode of transport seems like such an inefficient mode of transport, but actually the muscle on the bottom of the body is kept moist and thereby working/adhering/sucking by lubrication mucus. The motion is another factor dictated by the mucus. And they,  while aren’t actually quick, they do “adhere” (pun intended) to that old “slow but steady” mode and if you come back after a while having seen a snail on the sidewalk, don’t be surprised if he’s vanished.

Then, there is a dense bush in the backyard that must be some sort of snail singles bar, judging by the snail-trails I see in the mornings…and then there’s this according to Wikipedia: The courtship may last anywhere between two and twelve hours. In a number of different families of land snails and slugs, prior to mating one or more love darts are fired into the body of the partner.

Love darts? This sounds a bit like assault, at least. “Love” is tough!

Anyway, I used to throw whatever snails I had found in the morning onto my roof. I have a flat roof, and the local crows know…or rather knew -to check out my roof on a regular basis. I figured that if they could figure all this out and get back down, then I felt that they “deserved” to live…Remember they eat my basil, lettuce and chili plants; attack my artichokes and more, so since I can’t reason with them, nor “buy them off” with something else they’d prefer, so they are on my sh*t list. Now, I now collect them for a friend whose turtle loves snails.

(YUM)

I was once in a very fine restaurant in Forestville, CA and as I was being shown to my table, I passed by another couple already seated. I heard a lady asking her date: “escar-GOT?”

And as I passed by, I thought: “Lady, if you can’t say it, you sure don’t want it!

Which brings me to my favorite joke:

It was a beautiful sunny day and a snail decided that since it was so lovely, he’d take a walk.

He hadn’t gotten far (DUH!) when two turtles jumped up from behind a rock, beat him up and took his wallet.

When the police showed and asked the snail about the crime, he just said I don’t really know what happened. It all happened so fast!

…maybe if that snail had climbed on a bush the turtles might not have jumped him.