Your Gummy Bears Are Ready, Mr DeVito
In a large bustling “Beverly Hills Adjacent” photo studio, there is a big bowl the size and shape, which might hold 2 dozen apples and oranges if one wished. This bowl is filled with gummy bears. Okay, stage set, we’ll move along and swing back to the bowl in a couple of minutes.
As first assistant/ producer in a busy photo studio, I have a long list of items that need to take place and they are prioritized and posted on a white board as certain items change on a hour by hour basis.
“Rental equipment- Rented”
“Picked up/ Delivered”
“Set up”
“Paperwork turned in”
Etc.
That was then, this is “now”…
I mentioned to a good friend that I was going to drive down to the pot dispensary to get some edibles. Since I’ve had this surgery, I can’t do much while I’m recovering, so I figured I would write.
Sometimes I get “stuck” and edibles will often provide that “nudge” to get the fingers doing watch they’re supposed to be doing on the keyboard.
As the “Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers” said so long ago: “Pot will get you through times of no money, better than Money will get you through times of no pot.”
Since I was recently back from surgery, she didn’t think it wise to take a car an hour long, round trip car ride at this time for me.
“Instead” she offered- “I’ll bring over a edible (pot) candy bar!”
I thanked her and explained the situation.
“It’s like this: I was in charge of a still shoot for a Danny DeVito movie poster…It was “off season for cars”, and I worked where I could when cars were “on hiatus” from around December until late February or early March. There was a movie star photographer who hired me every year as soon as Car Season was over and I met a lot of big stars in his studio.
Elizabeth Taylor was my favorite because she was just a sweet lady. By the time I’d met her she was already well into her 70’s and speaking with her was just like talking with your “Gramma”…Very glamorous still to be sure, but she had a down-to-earth quality that I found charming.
Anyway, I had a list of things that had to happen before Mr. DeVito arrived. ALL were important, but still, I prioritized avidly.
One thing Mr. DeVito “requested” was a big bowl of gummy bears. So we found a pretty, and capacious bowl, and filled it with gummy bears! Lots of Gummy bears!
However, there were 3-4 other assistants, a wardrobe person or two, and makeup person or two, a “flack” from the movie company, and few “designates” from the Design and advertising firm in charge of the movie launch, plus the art director and his flunky, and my boss.
ALL saw the gummy bears and helped themselves.
Mr. DeVito was late (of course!) and the bowl of gummy bears had long ceased to look: “Cornucopia” and was approaching “paltry”.
This, of course would not “do” with a big star due into the studio (looking at watch) 50 minutes ago. So, it stands to reason he will be here any minute…right?
“Okay, let’s go back to that white board” – I explained to my generous friend.
Now, the white board might sometimes have some outrageous things listed as being “necessary”. It has happened that I have seen these items:
1) “Camels”
2) “Delivery”
3) “Paperwork”
This might sound like someone screwing around. However, this board was The Word Of God, woe be he fucks with the white board!
So again, pointing out that “Camels” would not raise an eyebrow in many photo studios, contemplating the word: “Gummy Bears”, on a list that also includes : “Talent”, “A.D.”, “Permits”…Is not really much of a “stretch”.
So when I said that I “needed to go to the dispensary to get some edibles”, I was not saying that I was “out”. What I was saying is that: “I don’t see an adequate supply to get me through til (insert arbitrary date-centrick deadline here).
And this goes for canned goods, pasta etc. , as well. In case of the Zombie Apocalypse I plan to have food for at least a week…So I wasn’t actually out. I was just thinking in those sorts of terms…”The Don’t Disappoint Mr. DeVito” terms. Implied in that statement is: “And if you do, you’ll never work in this hemisphere again!”
Almost 90 minutes late, there is still no call; no nothing from Mr. DeVito. Yet the people hanging around with nothing to do just…gravitated toward the big display with the huge bowl and the gummy bears. Things were looking a bit sparse for a big star.
So “Gummy bears” went from around item number 12 to #2 – “with a bullet”- As in: “I’ll shoot you myself if you’re not back here in 20 minutes with an armload of more gummies!”
In case you’re keeping score, that’s right behind “Lights, Camera, Action!”
I found a Brand New assistant who had been “here” perhaps a week, freshly in from Dubuque, Des Moines or Delaware and who clearly was at the very beginning of the OJT process.
I always had a “slush fund” in case Plan A doesn’t work, “maybe this will help Plan B…” I gave this guy from “Des Plaines”, or wherever, $25.
“Here!” I shouted. “Go to a Seven Eleven or whatever, go buy as many Gummy Bears as you can! And run, don’t walk back!”
His eyes bulged out with the enormity of the Task with which I had just set him- Either that or he was jazzed from simply being noticed while on a gummy bear sugar high.
He looked at the money and then back at me. Something clicked into place in his brain. I could see it in his eyes.
And, then … he was gone!
In less than 10 minutes (I swear! L.A. Traffic being what it is!), he was back with a full-sized grocery bag FULL of bags gummy bears.
I whipped out my folding knife and gave it to him.
“Go cut every bag open as fast as you can, he’s due any minute! Just cut the bag open and dump it…But …try to make a pretty pile while you dump it!”
He dashed off with the fervor of a dark-ages Crusader.
My generous friend was skeptical.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I know. You start that work and at that level, and you think you’re actually gonna die if you fail. And mostly you don’t. But all that sort of thinking stays with you.”
Mr. DeVito was over 3 hours late and everyone had had far more Gummy bears than they’d ever thought they might ever want, so the replenishment of the enormous pile of gummy bears was more than sufficient to make the star smile in appreciation. I think he may have had 3 or 4.
And this is why I was going to the dispensary…But you’ve convinced me. I’ll go Friday instead (that still leaves me well over a week’s supply).
